Oh, Campbeltown Loch, I wish you were whisky,
Campbeltown Loch, och aye!
Oh, Campbeltown Loch, I wish you were whisky,
I would drink you dry.

Now, Campbeltown Loch is a beautiful place,
A place where the whisky is trim;
How nice it would be if the whisky was free,
And the loch was full up to the brim.

Oh, Campbeltown Loch, I wish you were whisky,
Campbeltown Loch, och aye!
Oh, Campbeltown Loch, I wish you were whisky,
I would drink you dry.

I’d buy a yacht with the money I got,
I’d anchor her out in the bay;
If I wanted a nip, I’d go in for a dip,
I’d be swimming by night and by day.

Oh, Campbeltown Loch, I wish you were whisky,
Campbeltown Loch, och aye!
Oh, Campbeltown Loch, I wish you were whisky,
I would drink you dry.

We have a gathering of the clans,
They come from near and far;
I can see them grin as they’re wading in,
And jumping from the bar.

Oh, Campbeltown Loch, I wish you were whisky,
Campbeltown Loch, och aye!
Oh, Campbeltown Loch, I wish you were whisky,
I would drink you dry.

But what if the boat should overturn,
And drowned in the Loch was I?
You would hear me shout, you would hear me call out,
“What a wonderful way to die!”

Oh, Campbeltown Loch, I wish you were whisky,
Campbeltown Loch, och aye!
Oh, Campbeltown Loch, I wish you were whisky,
I would drink you dry.

But what’s this I see, ochone for me,
It’s a vision to make your blood freeze;
It’s the police afloat in a dusty bright boat,
And they’re shouting, “Time, gentlemen, please!”

Oh, Campbeltown Loch, I wish you were whisky,
Campbeltown Loch, och aye!
Oh, Campbeltown Loch, I wish you were whisky,
I would drink you dry.

Oh, Campbeltown Loch, I wish you were whisky,
Campbeltown Loch, och aye!
Oh, Campbeltown Loch, I wish you were whisky,
I would drink you dry.

PS: Should Scotland’s famous beverage be spelt ‘whisky’ or ‘whiskey”? Well, the ‘water of life’ as the Scots call their brew, was originally called whisky (plural=whiskies). And the Irish and Americans concocted their own versions which they felt was superior and to distinguish it from the Scottish version called it whiskey (plural=whiskeys). Ask a pure bred Scot and he will tell you the Scottish whisky is the original and the Yankees can’t spell right! A simple rule of the thumb is that if your drink comes from a country which has an ‘e’ in its name, spell whisky with an ‘e’; else dispense with it!

Hamish with our fabulous guide Patrick

We met Hamish enroute to Stirling Castle in Killmahog. All tourist buses stop here to meet Hamish, and there is a ‘snack bar’ for you to buy Hamish some bananas and veggies- Nice neat business sense!

Highland cattle need to be protected from the Scottish winters and they have a thick coat of fur- hence that epithet ‘Hairy Cow’. This sheds off during spring. What I loved most was Hamish’s fringe, which protects him from the wintery winds. Hamish has become so used to tourists that he has now learnt to pose for cameras. His horns look scary, but he is a docile gentle fellow.

Hamish posing for the camera

I learnt that Hamish is quite a celebrity having made appearances on BBC. During the Mad Cow crisis, there was a campaign to save Hamish from slaughter, and he was let off as he was not allowed to mix with other cattle. He is a loner- this Hamish— but has now retired after serving for some glorious years at the Stirling Smith Art Gallery.

And guess what- I found several videos on youtube, some showing him in his spring hairless avtaar.